Customer: Hello. I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working, so I'm calling the 800 number.
Receptionist: Yes, I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.
Customer: Thanks. I ordered a "Spring Bouquet" for our anniversary and wanted it delivered to my wife.
Receptionist: (Interrupting) Sir, "Spring Bouquets" do not meet our minimum standards. I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
Customer: But I have always ordered "Spring Bouquets" & done it for years; my wife likes them.
Receptionist: Roses are better, sir; I am sure your wife will love them.
Customer: Well, how much are they?
Receptionist: It depends sir; do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.
Customer: What's the difference?
Receptionist: 6, 12,18 or 24 Red Roses.
Customer: The Silver package may be okay; how much is it?
Receptionist: It depends sir; what is your monthly income?
Customer: What does that have to do with anything?
Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy. Then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.
Customer: FlowerAid?
Receptionist: Yes, Flowers are a right. Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can't afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
Customer: Who said they were a right?
Receptionist: Congress passed it, the President signed it, and the Supreme Court found it constitutional.
Customer: Whoa! I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right.
Receptionist: It is not really a “right' as in the Constitution, but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court ruled it a "Tax" and Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a right.
Customer: I don't believe this.
Receptionist: It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir?
Customer: Forget it. I think I will forgo the flowers this year.
Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
Customer: Why?
Receptionist: To determine what your 'non-participation' cost would be.
Customer: WHAT? You can't charge me for NOT buying flowers!
Receptionist: It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It's $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income.
Customer interrupting: This is ridiculous; I'll pay the $9.50.
Receptionist: Sir, it is $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!
Receptionist: Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year, it will be 2%.
Customer: Look, I'm going to call my Congressman to find out what's going on here . This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay it.
Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir. That's why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?
Receptionist: So they can get your GPS coordinates sir.
(Door Bell rings, followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)
Receptionist: That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers. Have a nice day, and may a Government-approved deity Bless America.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment